Before and After

Benjamin sat quietly in the back seat of the new car with his new parents as they made their way to his new home. He had dreamed of this moment for so long, and now it wasn't anything like he had imagined. The foster care homes he had been in were temporary, and the uncertainty of bouncing from home to home, packing what little belongings he had in a small duffel bag, had become a comfortable routine for him. This was different, and he wasn't sure if the permanent nature of this relationship was a good thing or a terrible mistake.

As they pulled into the driveway, his mother said, "We are home." The words were foreign to Ben. It was like speaking another language to him. Ben looked at the simple home with the welcome sign draped across the front of the house and choked back the uncertainty welling in him. He wanted this to work more than anything else, but he wondered if he was capable of being a member of a family.

Ben took a deep, audible breath, bravely stepped out of the car, and followed his new mom and dad into the house. He sensed immediately that things were going to be different with this home; he wasn't sure how or why, but he was certain things were going to change. Benjamin was 13 when he was adopted, and he struggled for two years with his new parents. He pushed his new parents in a variety of ways, but eventually their consistent love and commitment to him won him over.

"Of all the emotions you feel," he reported almost 10 years later, "anxiety about making a mistake and causing your new parents to regret their choice to adopt you is overwhelming. You just want to test their commitment to you and check the depth of their love. What is surprising is that when my parents continued to love me through my rebellion, it made me angry. I thought, You can't love me this much! But they did, and eventually I became so used to the gentleness of my new father and the joy and hopefulness of my new mother that I found myself laughing, hugging, trusting, and loving—emotions and actions I had never experienced before in my life. The most amazing reality of adoption is: They chose me! And later, when I was able to—I chose them."